By Hala Bader al-Humaidhi
Have you ever wondered whether you love your partner or you’re just attached?
The site ‘LifeHack’ believes that feelings of love are complex at times, which makes one confuse them with other feelings that may be similar in some aspects with feelings of love and differ in most of them.
Perhaps the most common feeling that can be mixed with feeling of love is what is known as the feeling of attachment to someone!
Attachment makes a person doesn’t want to leave a certain person, and in this aspect we find that attachment is actually similar to the feelings of love, but the feeling of attachment is not limited to this aspect only, the following points are a number of the most prominent differences by which we can distinguish the feelings of love from the feelings of attachment:
1. Selfishness cannot be compatible with the feelings of love, but it is considered the main partner for attachment: When a person feels love towards his life partner, he focuses his effort to make one happy, and vice versa. Feelings of love make a person constantly think about what makes his partner happy, and try to achieve it! Moreover, one does not feel that he is in a match he seeks to win against his partner, meaning that he does not count the times when he helped one to remind of this later, in addition to this, he does not seek to control one, because he realises that one is a ‘life partner’ and not a ‘subordinate to his life.’
Contrary to the above, we find that the feeling of attachment makes a person focus on the ways that his life partner should make him happy. With the passage of time, a person becomes completely dependent on the presence of his life partner and seeks to control one, thinking that this method protects him from losing one. Furthermore, a person is convinced that his partner is responsible for his happiness, and thus he feels upset and angry if one fails to make him happy one day.
2. Feelings of love helps one to be independent, while the feelings of attachment leads to control: Feelings of love allow one to be himself in front of the one he loves. When you find encouragement and acceptance from your partner to be yourself, you will find yourself automatically expressing even your weaknesses without fear or hesitation. Feeling accepted by the person one loves gives him the courage and strength to fulfill his dreams that he would not have achieved had he not found this unconditional acceptance.
On the other hand, we find that the feeling of attachment fuels the desire to control, so a person finds himself trying to show the negatives of his life partner’s friends in order to convince one not to spend time with them so that one stays with him alone, even if one’s desire is the opposite!
3. Feelings of love encourage progress while the feeling of attachment is a burden: feelings of love motivate both partners to progress together, whether in work or in life as a whole. What this means is that each side becomes the better version of himself, the version that he would not have reached without the feelings of love he feels.
As for the feeling of attachment, a person’s desire to control hinders him from solving his personal problems, and this is reflected in his life partner, and thus these feelings turn as a burden that a person carries on his back.
Feelings of love are permanent while feelings of attachment are fleeting: Feelings of love are characterised by their strong ability to live, which makes them challenging circumstances no matter what. A person may have to travel away from his partner for a certain period, or they may be separated temporarily due to circumstances beyond their control. However, regardless of whether the absence is long or short, the place of the one we love remains reserved for him forever.
On the contrary, the feeling of attachment makes a person feel a kind of hatred for his partner in the event one moved away from him even for a short period, and he may even feel deceived by one because it is assumed that his control over one prevents one, for example, from going to visit one’s family if they are in a town far from his town.
So, are you in love or attached?
* The author is a consultant in Public Relations and Personality Types. Instagram: @Tipsbyhalahill
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