Twenty-five is perceived as young. It’s also perceived as responsible because you’re granted the most ‘responsible’ privileges at this age. People don’t take you too seriously, but they take you seriously enough to be intrigued or entertained by the things you say. They don’t take you seriously, because seeing potential in something is more comforting than knowing that this potential is building and becoming concrete. Once the tower of action has been built and it’s overshadowed your own structure, you don’t like this potential anymore. It’s blocking your view and it’s constructed with newer technology. When you’re 25, you’re seen as potential, so anyone elder than you is comforted by the fact that this idea of a building could potentially not become something. We love lying down in the bed of empty promises, because even though you might not want to sleep there every night, it’s better than the unmade bed you left at your place. I’ve noticed, not many people want to take me seriously, because if they did, they might have to re-evaluate their own lives or how seriously they take themselves. Most people I interact with, have no long-term goals (neither did I, until I was challenged to think about it). They’ve systematically followed a plan and consequentially, they let this memory marker, or age, allow them to use their neatly arranged and timely ordered memories to parallel with yours. They comment on the mix tape of your life by comparing any song you decide to play, with a track from the different tapes they collected over their lives. The genre might be the same, but the lyrics, the artists, the beats — they’re from a different ‘time’. It’s hard to make people conscious of their reality, separate from their age. They’re so blind to the objectivity of comparing consciousness. Imagine, somebody elder, questions you on your plan for the next 10 years. They’re asking your potential this question, not you, because remember, they don’t take you seriously yet. So, this potential will answer in maybes, hopefully, I dream or believe in. But for a minute, imagine you did have an answer. A carefully thought about, well-constructed and realistic vision of your life, that you supported with the evaluation and analysis of the reliability of your skills. You knew what you wanted, how long it would take and what steps you needed to get there. You explain this elaborate plan to this individual and they smile or laugh, with discomfort or well concealed surprise at your answer. They then wish you all the best or encourage your potential, to work towards it. Then to feel better about themselves, they give you some advice from a random tape, to help you “feel” better about this album you haven’t even recorded yet. If you haven’t even created the song you know is going to be your goal, how is a pre-recorded song supposed to motivate you, when you don’t know what this other song is going to sound like. That would mean, you’re not happy with the direction it’s taking anyway and you needed to hear a similar version to feel better about your own potential. But if you already know what it will sound like, you’re probably not even listening unless it’s close to your vision. Metaphors apart, it’s always better to encourage the possibility of something than to deal with your own discomfort when you realise the reality of something.
In this observation, it’s also essential to look at the group behaviour and interaction between 25 year-olds, mostly through conversations. Conversations are mirrors of comparison. You aren’t comparing yourself on husbands, kids, loans, homes, furniture, dogs or promotions yet. Having even the smallest amount of clarity, like knowing exactly how I like my coffee or the type of newspaper I would read, or the books I associate myself with or the materials that now suit me, makes you feel more sorted out than your friends. It’s all about the accessories of self-development at this stage. You know, how deeply you’re planning to think about yourself, where exactly you’re planning to take your life and how much you’ve done vs how much you’ve talked about it. I guess though at 25, you could get away with just talking about it. Responsibility changes the game though. That’s the tough part. So the more responsible your complaint at 25 sounds, the more serious people will take you.
If you don’t realise the power of a time marker on your life and how it can start marking other areas of your life in the future, you’re pretty much going to waste your time. You’ve got the energy, the time, the no responsibility lifestyle to take advantage of, when you’re 25. Or at least when you’re in this phase. And people want to distract you so you don’t have time to develop your own potential of this energy, resources and time. I get it, we all want to be around the possibility of things, the exciting energy of something NEW that is stable enough but constantly surprises you. But I’m not interested. I find my own self interesting. And why shouldn’t I? If we were left in a jail cell, this statement would suddenly be the only thing you’d need to survive mentally. To be able to find yourself, your mind and your thoughts interesting. I think about jail a lot. Maybe because it’s such a condition no one would ever want be in. So much time and nothing to do. You’d really need to rely on this one thing we want to constantly ignore, wouldn’t we?
The reason I wrote this column, is because I felt it was important we realise that self-care in our life starts building distinctively at this time. Your prefrontal cortex is fully developed by this age. Which means your own brain is aware that it’s got some pretty big responsibility in this life and decisions to make. The reality is, you can’t give up this time. You absolutely can’t. This period of learning and testing is just too important for your brain right now. Especially since, most decisions don’t have an impact on anyone under your responsibility, yet. Invest in it. Test it out. Make those uncomfortable decisions right now in the real sense, so you can use the time to follow them to their logical conclusions and even the resources to manage damage control. Otherwise later on, you’re just going to be dealing with other people, who never gave their brain this time and are therefore novices in acting and testing out their decisions. And trust me, you don’t want to be in that position.
* The author can be contacted on Instagram @sincerelysanah