By Hala Bader al-Humaidhi
Most people can’t help but pass judgment on all types of issues. Various situations in life require you to make a judgment. For example, deciding to stop abusing due to their adverse effects is a good way to exercise judgment! However, when you start seeing yourself as better and judging people for their choices is bad. In a way, you feel superior over your friends, family, or your partner. That is all wrong since it can ruin all of your relationships.
Studies state, that if you are married, being overly judgmental can hasten divorce by over 90 percent. That is because partners who feel judged for no reason end up becoming defensive, stonewalled, and disrespectful of their loved ones.
Being Judgmental destroys relationships because it is:
1. About attacking a person’s character or personality – not their behaviour.
2. Focused on bringing the other person down rather than helping them to improve their behaviour.
3. Belittling and meaning to let the other person feel bad about themselves.
4. Based on your own ‘right way’ of doing things and does not respect the other person’s point of view.
In families and relationships, judgment starts small and becomes worse with time. Failure to stop unnecessary passing of judgments on others only make matters worse, leading to growing resentment. The person on whom judgment is passed feels controlled and withdrawn. The judgmental partner becomes frustrated and increases his or her judgement even further. It becomes an endless vicious cycle as matters get even worse.
It does not matter how bad you think the other person is. There is no way you will cause a positive behaviour to change by being judgmental! You might feel in control in the short-term but end up building resentment if you persist.
Being overly judgmental of those you love could mean you do not have a tinge of self-love. Why would you want to make your partner or significant other feel bad? Put yourself in their shoes. When judged by your partner, you can feel devastated because of the bad opinion a dear person has of you.
After spending a long time together, your partner knows all your weird behaviours. If the person becomes judgmental, it will be impossible for you to trust them with your vulnerabilities. It can break your ego and diminish the trust that existed between the two of you.
So what do I do?
You can stop being judgmental. You could try making your partner valued for who they are. If you want them to change their behaviour, you should show him or her how much you value them. Judgment only creates resistance – not co-operation. So, stop massaging your ego with judgmental statements. Instead, show your loved ones how much you value them. And finally, listen to their opinions instead of always trying to impose your views on them!
*The author is a consultant in Public Relations and Personality Types. Instagram: @Tipsbyhalahill
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