Whether with a friend, colleague or family member, we have all felt the pinch when we know that someone is not actually listening to us. On the flip side, we have all probably been guilty of being the non-listener or passive listener in the conversation.
In one way or another our attention gets distracted, whether by technology, other people or simply our own thoughts. A study by Killingsworth and Gilbert found that our attention is on something other than what we are doing 47% of the time. Let that sink in; almost half of the time, in half of your conversations, your mind is somewhere else.
Imagine the effect this has on relationships, the damage it does when half the information is not even heard, let alone given the chance to be retained. Try it out in your next conversation, pay attention to how often your mind wanders away.
We are well trained at many things – communication, talking, leadership and relationships among them. But few people receive any training on listening. It is assumed that everyone can do it. But in today’s society, with so many distractions and demands on our attention, our ability to listen is worse than ever.
The benefits of being a great listener are equal to and even above many of the other skills we rate so highly. Being a great listener enhances relationships, minimises confusion and mistakes, increases productivity, builds trust and makes people better leaders.
There are many ways to strengthen your listening skills below I’ve shared a few dos and don’ts;
1) Don’t multi-task – If you don’t have time for a conversation let the person know, but don’t split your attention as you’ll just end up doing both tasks a disservice.
2) Listen with the intent to understand not reply – American author Dr Stephen Covey etched this into my conversational skills years ago. Pay attention to your eagerness to respond and try to control it
3) Wait your turn – We often rush conversation and predict their endings. Try to avoid interrupting, finishing others sentences and wait to formulate your response, once they have finished.
4) Ask questions and paraphrase – To build true connection and ensure complete understanding, be an active participant in the conversation. Ask questions, be curious.
We will never learn anything new by talking, but we have so much opportunity to learn by listening. Be the listener you would want to speak to.
*S Zuhair Naqvi is the Managing Director of DicoTech Qatar WLL and a Partner at The Happiness Hub Qatar
Twitter: #zuhairnaqvi
LinkedIn: zuhair-naqvi-dicotechqatar