Unless you’ve gone off the grid, you know we have a historical presidential campaign in the US this year, and it’s dividing the country and also dividing some relationships. It happens every four years, but I have never seen more couples in disagreement over the candidates and the issues. I am sure that some couples are considering separating until the election is over or are even contemplating divorce.
I find this confounding because a relationship is about you and me against the world, not about my choice is better than yours. Even though politics can raise your ire, it is an outside force, and you should not allow it to interfere with your family and your home life. Yes, you may disagree politically, but that is no reason to trash your relationship or your partner or family members who disagree with you.
If you can’t talk about the race without having an argument, then maybe you should consider steering your conversations clear of the upcoming election. It is a simple choice when you look at the toxic energy that can come from having different opinions.
I honestly don’t think these arguments are worth the pain they can cause. Please consider taking political topics off the table if you think that they are damaging your relationship or lowering your opinion of your partner.
Everyone has a right to his or her own opinion, but if your opinion is upsetting the one you love, you don’t need to express it.
Our leaders change, whereas your relationship needs to be a constant, because no matter who wins, there are going to be challenges that you and your partner need to deal with as a united team. If you are divided, it makes meeting life’s challenges much more difficult.
These big political races can bring out our fears and insecurities, and we may project them onto the ones we love just because they don’t agree with us. If you are angry with members of your family because they want to vote differently from you, and you can’t seem to make sense of it all, you have to just let them be who they are and vote for whom they choose.
It’s not about cancelling each other’s vote out but about realising that, no matter what the outcome, you will and should remain united even if you voted differently.
Your relationship doesn’t need any additional grudges or doubts. Accept your mate for who he or she is, and let it be. It may help to remember that millions of other people also have their own opinions, and the two of you, no matter how you vote, cannot overcome the majority.
Of course, your vote matters, but the election is not being held in your living room, and you need to keep your home life peaceful. You need to have that wonderful place of solace to rest your weary mind after work, kids, school, daily life, and political races.
Actually, if you can keep the conversation civil, having differing opinions can make your interactions more interesting, and it can even be fun if you don’t let heated feelings get in the way.
Differences in relationships are not bad, and they can make for a more dynamic connection if you allow them to.
Republican, Democrat, or Independent, it matters not when it comes to caring and respecting the ones you love. Don’t let Donald and Hilary into your bedroom, but keep that space for yourselves.
*Dr Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, California, is the author of The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time. Follow his daily insights on Twitter at @BartonGoldsmith, or e-mail him at [email protected]
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