Many people think that being vulnerable is a weakness. In fact, it takes more inner strength to open up and allow yourself to be vulnerable than to shut down and push your feelings or others out of your life.
Being vulnerable doesn’t mean that you become a doormat to let people walk all over you. Being vulnerable doesn’t make you look bad either.
Those who wear their hearts on their sleeve are more attractive to others than people who hide their feelings and don’t allow the deeper meaning of any given situation or relationship to be felt. It means that your heart and head are ready to accept the emotions that come with leading a full life.
Being vulnerable is actually a trait that allows you to be sensitive to what’s going on around and within you. Giving yourself the gift of really feeling alive and present in the moment is a wonderful thing. And this is true even if your feelings have been hurt.
Opening up and looking for the reasons for your pain will help you heal.
There is such a thing as being too vulnerable, which happens when someone is very depressed or anxious or has been traumatised. If everything makes you cry or scares you, that’s not normal, and you need to do what’s necessary to get your life back in balance.
You may need to get medical attention, or it may just mean that you need to give yourself an extended break for a good period of time.
I know many people who have needed to take time off work or to cut back on their activities, so they could get their strength back and not feel threatened by the world. But these are cases of extreme vulnerability and not the kind that most of us have to deal with.
For the rest of us, being openhearted and trusting may sometimes lead to hurt feelings, which can be unpleasant. However, it’s very important that you allow yourself to feel those feelings, so you can get them out.
Holding on to the pain will only make you less available to others and less comfortable with yourself.
In addition, being vulnerable allows you to experience parts of life that most people only see in the movies. Some folks can only cry and let out their feelings while being moved by someone else’s story. This is why going to a dark theatre and crying your eyes out is actually a healthy activity - and of course you can do it at home too.
The important thing is to let those feelings that make you a whole person out for some fresh air every now and then. Otherwise, you can become emotionally blocked and not experience the fullness of being alive.
When you do allow yourself to release pent-up pain, you make room for more positive things and people to come into your life. Just talking about what makes you feel vulnerable is a great way to start.
Learning what your triggers are can help you stay available to the good and still allow you to be openhearted and give yourself the gift of feeling the joy and letting go of the sorrow you have experienced.
- Dr Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, California, is the author of The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time. Follow his daily insights on Twitter at @BartonGoldsmith, or email him at [email protected]
