By Judi Light Hopson, Emma H Hopson and Ted Hagen/Tribune News Service
Do you get ever tempted to haul off and give someone a verbal punch? Maybe you’d like to order an employee to work harder. Or, are you tempted to slam someone for not giving up cigarettes?
Dishing out criticism can give someone a much-needed wakeup call. However, when we offer encouragement instead, we’ll probably get better results.
If you encourage others, you give them energy to tackle a needed change. If you simply criticise their situation, you may help drain any energy they have left to make a change.
One mother we’ll refer to as Rita was worried because her 35-year-old daughter had been unemployed for a year. Rita recently told us: “I started encouraging my daughter with her job search. I told her how great she is and why any employer would be thrilled to have her.”
Rita debated with herself about how to get her daughter moving in the right direction.
“I really thought about telling my child to get off her butt, but I knew saying something like that would make things worse,” laughs Rita. “Words can cut like a knife, so I held my tongue. I decided encouragement might do the trick.”
Rita’s daughter started feeling better, pulled herself together and landed a high-paying advertising job.
“If I’d told her to get off her butt,” says Rita, “she’d probably still be down and defeated.”
Last year, a friend of ours kept telling her neighbour she could beat breast cancer.
“My neighbour is doing great,” our friend told us last week. “She would write down my words of encouragement and carry them in her purse.”
A bestselling author, whom we’ll call Janet, recently told us that her aunt encouraged her to leave an abusive relationship. That was 20 years ago. Janet’s aunt told her, “I’ll bet you’ll be rich and famous in a few years. You can spend time on your writing if you start a new life.”
“It was my aunt’s encouragement that gave me energy,” says Janet. “It’s impossible to stand still if you keep hearing encouraging words.”
Cheering yourself on when no one else is doing it helps, too.
A man we know lost a good job six months ago. We’ll call him Charlie. Charlie started telling himself he would find the best job of his life. “I brainwashed myself,” he laughs. “I lost a nice job, but I had a mean boss. So, when I got laid off, I was relieved in many ways.”
Charlie kept encouraging himself, so this gave him the energy to spend hours a day looking at job websites.
Charlie had two very good jobs to pick from. “I chose the one that paid the least money, but I am so happy going to work every day,” Charlie explains.
We all know that words have power, so using them wisely to build up other people can have some great payoffs.
“I was lying in a hospital bed feeling sorry for myself,” says a woman we’ll call Sharon. “I was facing open heart surgery.”
Sharon’s neighbour came into the room smiling. “I’m sure you’re going to be okay,” the neighbour told her. “You’ve been encouraging me through a lot of battles, so I’m going to do the same for you.”
Sharon’s neighbour stayed with her around the clock at the hospital. When Sharon went home, her neighbour brought great food over for several days. She cleaned Sharon’s house and hand-washed Sharon’s car.
“Mutual encouragement costs nothing,” says Sharon. “But, it’s the greatest investment we can make in our relationships.”
*Judi Light Hopson is the executive director of the stress management website USA Wellness Cafe at www.usawellnesscafe.com. Emma Hopson is an author and a nurse educator. Ted Hagen is a family psychologist.
