By Gregg Bakowski in London/theguardian.com


There are many crazy things that Chelsea could do in an attempt to salvage their season. They could sack all their fussy physios and buy a multipack of vintage sponges instead.
They could sack Jose Mourinho, re-employ him on twice the salary and pretend the past four months never happened.
Or they could splash out £45mn on an injury-prone player who will be 33 in six months’ time.
Hello Franck Ribery! Yes, it says here that Roman Abramovich is keen to bring the Frenchman—a tricky, hard-working and hugely effective forward for Bayern Munich before his ankles and knees turned to cheese—to Stamford Bridge and make him the highest-paid player in the Premier League.
Ribery has played 22 games in a season and a-half. Whatever Abramovich has got a whiff of, it’s some mighty strong stuff.
On the subject of injury-ravaged attacking midfielder-cum-forwards, Juventus, perhaps in the form of a cheque slipped under the away dressing-room door on Wednesday night, have made a £10m offer for Manchester City’s Samir Nasri.
The 28-year-old’s cool demeanour on the treatment table has clearly impressed the Old Lady.
Word has it, though, that Juve beancounters will have to find a bigger cheque if they want to see him in Turin anytime soon. So, in that case they’ll turn their attention to Madrid, instead, and hope that Rafa Benítez is willing to sell one of the only players Real Madrid fans actually like, Isco, thus piling more pressure on himself in a stunt that would be pure footballing self-flagellation.
So, don’t expect them to have much luck there either.
How are Manchester United going to become the goal-plundering, dance troupe that Paul Scholes craves? By signing Borussia Dortmund centre-back Mats Hummels, that’s how. Clearly Louis van Gaal wants to make United’s nil in the next nil-nil they’ve involved in, the best nil it can possibly be.
Who is going to save Newcastle United? Andros Townsend, that’s who. Steve McClaren wants to offer the winger—who has fallen out with pretty much everyone at
Tottenham Hotspur—£80,000-a-week in January and instruct him to show his team, who have been impersonating professional footballers for most of the season, how to put a shift in. Might be the wrong person for that, Steve.
Alan Pardew has figured out that it’s all right having Yannick Bolasie and Wilfried Zaha bamboozling full-backs and getting crosses into the box, but if there’s no one in there to finish them off for Crystal Palace, then what’s the point? Perhaps he forgot Proper Poaching’s Glenn Murray to Bournemouth.He’ll rectify this oversight in January, with the £14m signing of Algeria striker Islam Slimani from Sporting Lisbon.
West Bromwich Albion and Leicester City scouts’ reports on Burnley right-back/winger Tendayi Darikwa are getting racier and racier by the week, in fact, so racy that they could be mistaken for Barbara Cartland novels. Expect a bid in January.
And Birmingham City may put a bid in for Aston Villa striker Libor Kozák, a player who Rémi Garde probably doesn’t know exists and who could probably moonlight at St Andrew’s and no one at Villa would notice.
Meanwhile, Arsene Wenger says he will look to strengthen his Arsenal squad in January, with the priority being a defensive midfielder to cover his current injury problems in the position. The manager is without his first-choice, Francis Coquelin, for 12 weeks with a medial knee ligament complaint and Mikel Arteta for around a month because of calf damage.
Wenger has turned to Mathieu Flamini to plug the gap, and also believes that defender Calum Chambers can play there, but, when the winter transfer window opens, he will be on the look-out for a signing, albeit with the usual caveats about it being a difficult time to do business.
“We are in a position where we want to do something,” Wenger said. “If I find the right quality, I will do something.”
Wenger believes that Mesut Ozil is in the form of his Arsenal career—he has 11 assists and three goals in all competitions so far this season.
“In his first season, there was a lot of scepticism around him,” Wenger said. “The quality of his performances have turned opinions. He now has the support of everybody who loves Arsenal.
“What is interesting about Mesut’s game is that he is not only a provider now. He likes to get on the end of the things.
“What he has added to his game is the runs into the box. He played before like he was not too much obsessed (by goals) and more by providing. I think he has a much better balance in his game now—giving, assisting and scoring.”
Wenger is preparing for Sunday’s Premier League visit to Norwich City and he said that Alex Oxlade-Chamberlain should return to the squad after a month out with hamstring trouble. Alexis Sánchez (hamstring) and Joel Campbell (calf) have had slight concerns but they will be available.