By Marie G McIntyre/Tribune News Service
QUESTION: My boss is sarcastic and likes to yell at us. When I confronted him about this, he blew up! He threw his arms around and his face got red. I said that I had to get back to work and left his office. Since then, he is barely speaking to me. I’m tired of all this drama and would like your advice about what to do.
-Sick of Fighting
ANSWER: “Dimwit” is my term for people like your boss who have little control over their emotions. Dimwits anger easily, lash out at others and create lots of tension in the office. Working for one of these emotional powder kegs can make your life pretty miserable.
If you plan to stay in this job, you must immediately lower your expectations. This dysfunctional manager is never going to become the helpful, supportive boss of your dreams. You will be better prepared to manage the situation if you expect him to be quick-tempered and difficult.
Common sense should tell you to stop criticising and correcting him. If you were locked in a cage with a lion, would you keep poking it with a stick? Not if you have any functioning brain cells. Criticism will only anger your boss, who, like the lion, may retaliate in ways that are hazardous to your health - or at least to your work assignments, performance review or paycheque.
Since your boss acts like a kid, you’ll have to be the adult. Do your work, be pleasant and avoid confrontations. Like it or not, he’s in the power position and you’re stuck with him until one of you changes jobs. So your challenge is to create a productive relationship.
Since he is now barely speaking, you have your first opportunity to start improving the situation. Initiate a friendly conversation about a topic that is safe and pleasant. In the future, when your boss gets angry or upset, just stay in your “adult” mode. If you don’t add fuel to the fire, he’s likely to calm down.
Remember that if the stress becomes too great, you can always polish up your resume and seek a calmer environment. Life is way too short to be miserable for 40 hours a week.
Q: “Beth”, a co-worker, refuses to consider my ideas. I’m new here and can see many ways to improve things. Beth has been here for 15 years and gets very defensive if I suggest that she could do her work more efficiently. How can I get her to listen?
-Frustrated
A: Now wait a minute. Are you really surprised by Beth’s reaction? Consider her side of the story: She’s performed her job successfully for 15 years, then a newcomer arrives and says she’s doing it all wrong. Based on her own experience, the old way works just fine, so why should she listen to you? After all, she hardly even knows you.
That probably sounds a bit harsh, because your intentions are undoubtedly positive. But unless your ideas actually get used, positive intentions don’t count for much, do they? So you need to consider why your proposals are not being welcomed.
Could Beth be interpreting helpful suggestions as personal criticism? To reduce defensiveness, select your words carefully. For example, saying “You could do that much more efficiently” sounds as though Beth needs improvement. But saying “I think that we could make the billing process more efficient” puts the focus on the work.
Does Beth feel that you respect her experience? You believe she can learn a lot from you, but you can also learn from her. Ask questions about the work, the customers or the history of the business. I guarantee you’ll learn something. If she feels that you genuinely value her knowledge, she is more likely to reciprocate.
Finally, don’t hog the credit. Credit-grabbers are universally despised by their colleagues. When you have an idea, work with Beth to develop an implementation plan, then make a joint presentation to your boss. Since you’re the newbie, your manager will probably assume that you initiated the change and be impressed by your collaborative approach.
- Marie G McIntyre is a workplace coach and the author of Secrets to Winning at Office Politics. Send in questions and get free coaching tips at http://www.yourofficecoach.com, or follow her on Twitter @officecoach.
