File picture of New England Patriots quarterback Tom Brady taking a football from a ball boy as he warms up before Super Bowl XLIX against the Seattle Seahawks.

 

By Paul Klee, MCT/Denver


Peyton Manning’s glove is legal, at least. He has worn it on 80-degree training camp days in August, 13-degree kickoffs in January, and it is legal.
His glove doesn’t advertise pizzas or luxury vehicles, so the Broncos quarterback isn’t violating league sponsorship rules. His glove is usually — maybe always, but these are not things I make a point to remember — a distinct shade of orange, which fits under the colours approved by the NFL (Rule 5, Article 4, Section H): “Players ... also may wear gloves provided they are a solid white, a solid black, or a solid colour that is an official colour of the applicable club.”
Unless it is discovered Manning sharpens his cleats into knife points or adjusts the psi of footballs, Broncos Country can sleep well at night knowing its man in the Brady-Manning debate hasn’t cheated the game by coordinating the manipulation of his equipment.
Tom Brady fans, of which I am one, can’t say that. The Wells Report, released Wednesday, uses 139 pages of awesome detail to explain a simple headline:
PATRIOTS CHEATED (again). Only this time, Brady is framed as the bad guy.
So Broncos fans who love to hate the Patriots have that going for them, which is nice. But that’s about it.
The Wells Report doesn’t change anything. It doesn’t change the fact the Patriots won the Super Bowl in February. No matter how the NFL disciplines the Patriots — and it will, because the NFL is swayed by public perception, and the public is feigning outrage — it’s like the NCAA revoking wins from a college basketball programme’s ledger. No matter how many times you look to the rafters and notice a Final Four banner is missing, the memory of what happened isn’t going anywhere.
John Calipari coached two programs that had Final Four banners taken down. In March he was elected to the Hall of Fame.
This is that.
“It doesn’t really matter. Are they going to take it away from them? That’s not going to affect me at all,” Broncos defensive lineman Derek Wolfe said Wednesday. “That’s not going to put any more money in my pocket. It’s not going to give me a ring. I’m more worried about our team going to win a ring.”
The ring is the thing in the NFL. That, and money.
The Patriots won’t lose either, the ring or the money. Maybe a few hundred thousand bucks in fines. But that’s a penny in the water fountain relative to the funds generated from a Super Bowl triumph.
The Patriots cheated, again, and it was totally worth it. If their goal was to endear themselves to the fans of New England with another championship, that parade through Boston looked pretty fun, didn’t it? If scoring another endorsement deal was the objective, has Rob Gronkowski ever been a bigger deal than he is now?
This wasn’t risk-reward for Brady or the Patriots, because there was no risk. It’s not like Robert Kraft is going to trade Brady or fire Bill Belichick. Here is part of Kraft’s statement after the gullible owner was duped yet again: “Knowing that there is no real recourse available, fighting the league and extending this debate would prove to be futile.”
Not great, Bob. Not great.
But totally worth it. The damage is none.
John Jastremski, a locker room attendant, and Jim McNally, an equipment guy, were accomplices to Brady, the beautiful quarterback for the Patriots. The Wells Report concluded: “It is more probable than not that McNally and Jastremski participated in a deliberate effort to release air from Patriots game balls after the balls were tested by the game officials. ...”
In a text message discovered by the report, one of the equipment guys refers to himself as “The Deflator” and told his equipment buddy he was “not going to espn (with the information).... yet.”
Neither Jim nor John seems to like Tom very much.
“The only thing deflating (son)... is his passing rating,” McNally texted.
“Tom sucks... im going to make that next ball a f------ balloon,” he added.
Oh, it gets better. This Wells guy must be blast at parties.
Eight days before the Broncos played at the Patriots (the day before the Patriots hosted the Bears), Jastremski texted, “I have a big needle for u this week.”
And this whole time we thought needles were a baseball thing. Who knew?
The Wells Report is wildly juicy stuff, littered with scientific minutiae like the Ideal Gas Law and shots at a four-time Super Bowl champion (via the equipment guy).
An episode of CSI: Foxborough couldn’t make this stuff up.
What’s the impact of the Wells Report? Maybe it throws a splash of mud on Brady’s legacy, a catchy buzzword around aging quarterbacks these days.
But that’s about it. The Patriots cheated, again, and it was totally worth it.
Hey, if the glove fits.