By Judi Light Hopson, Emma H Hopson and Ted Hagen/MCT
Are you worried about impressing people? That’s perfectly okay - up to a point.
But, do you realise that it’s difficult to influence others, if you’re trying to impress them too much?
It works like this: Bragging on your achievements will cause a gap. Hinting that you’re wiser, more beautiful or faster at getting something done causes a disconnect.
Trying too hard tells the world that you don’t have enough self-confidence.
People are turned off if you need their approval too much.
We feel close to others who are human - and are willing to show a few vulnerabilities. It’s easier to trust a loved one, teacher or a banker who appears fully human.
It’s okay for all of us to share a few doubts and fears. It’s okay to say: “I feel a little nervous about this or that.”
“I think the best way to feel confident is to figure out your own comfort level and respect that,” says a counsellor we’ll call Paul. “I have patients who dress up to come to therapy sessions. But, I can tell they don’t dress this well every day.”
Paul says the point he’s making is that we all recognise when someone is trying to impress us.
However, if we all want to influence someone, we have to change tactics. We have to focus more on them.
Here are some ways you can exert positive influence over someone:
lTalk about the other person’s needs and concerns. It’s easier to influence someone if you understand his perspective on life.
lAct maturely. This means you can hold back and resist the temptation to react in an overly emotional way to situations.
lAsk questions versus giving commands. If you’re the manager over a group of workers or volunteers, get inside the minds of people you want to influence. Ask others if they believe your ideas seem appropriate.
“It’s a lot easier to influence other people if they trust you,” says a hospital CEO we’ll call Donald. “People cannot trust you if you don’t include them in every aspect of making decisions.”
Donald says his dad was the owner of a small business that went bankrupt in the 1960s. His dad walked away with his loyal employees following him - although the bank locked up the storefront and took the keys, quite literally.
“All of the town banks turned their backs on my father,” says Donald, “but his employees were loyal to the end. Dad took this small group of eight people and started a new business. They respected him so much they literally invested their life savings in his new venture.”
Donald’s dad started a medical equipment company. Within a year, they were thriving.
“My father knew that he could only influence people if they felt they were part of his team,” Donald emphasises.
He believes you can get others to help you implement your ideas. But first, you have to build solid relationships with everyone in your circle.
“A CEO should stop to talk with the guy or girl who pushes the broom,” says Donald. “It’s amazing how much maintenance staff, for example, can promote public relations and goodwill in any work setting.
“If we had a community emergency, for example, the hospital maintenance staff knows I’d be counting on them to help manage the madness. They know this because I tell them so.
“If I ever stop needing the respect of my employees, I’m cooked,” laughs Donald. “My employees will only give their best to me if I give my best to them.”
lJudi Hopson and Emma Hopson are authors of a stress management book for paramedics, firefighters and police, Burnout to Balance: EMS Stress. Ted Hagen is a family psychologist. You may contact the authors through the Website www.hopsonglobal.com.
