CAST: Ben Stiller, Owen Wilson, Will Ferrell, Penelope Cruz, Kristen Wiig
DIRECTION: Ben Stiller
Zoolander 2 employed the talents of four credited screenwriters, but unfortunately not one of them seemed to notice that what they were working on wasn’t actually a screenplay. It is, instead, an excuse to string together an endless and often random supply of celebrity cameos (Willie Nelson, why are you in this movie?) and to reunite a pair of beloved but played-out characters from the original 2001 Zoolander. The result: a mostly agreeable but empty-headed mess. It’s sort of the movie equivalent of Derek Zoolander himself.
It’s not that it isn’t a kick to see Derek (Ben Stiller, who also directed this time around) and his fellow supermodel Hansel (Owen Wilson) again; I could happily kill time watching the two of them striking poses, sucking in their cheeks (the better to accentuate razor-sharp cheekbones — and, as a bonus, to look silly), getting words wrong and saying, upon their reunion, lines like, “I missed not knowing things with you.”
But the movie keeps getting lost in its mysterious and frequently impenetrable forest of plot: something about Will Ferrell’s cotton-candy-coiffed villain Mugatu destroying the world, and the male-model twosome needing to save it with the help of an ex-swimsuit model turned special agent with Interpol’s Global Fashion Division (an amused, and amusing, Penelope Cruz).
Along the way, Derek reunites with his son Derek Jr (Cyrus Arnold), and fashion maven Alexanya Atoz (Kristen Wiig) frequently slinks into scenes to say something unintelligible. (You sense that Wiig’s performance — she’s styled to suggest a deranged version of Donatella Versace — is an enormous in-joke. The role was probably funnier to perform than to watch.)
Meanwhile, those celebrity cameos flit by — some of them misguided (Benedict Cumberbatch in a weirdly tone-deaf bit about a transgender model), some head-scratchy (Susan Sarandon, didn’t you have something better to do?), some fashion-y (Anna Wintour, Valentino, Marc Jacobs, Alexander Wang and Tommy Hilfiger, though their scene is too obviously spliced together), some delightful (Sting, who nearly saves the movie with one late line). Though it’s impossible for me to truly dislike a film containing the line “oh, shut up, Valentino!,” Zoolander 2 ultimately feels like fast fashion: cute, disposable, quickly forgettable. —The Seattle Times/TNS
Well-executed fight sequences
FILM: Never Back Down 2
CAST: Michael Jai White, Josh Barnett, Gillian White
DIRECTION: Michael Jai White
Cast for brawn over brain, central characters like three-time MMA world champion fighter Brody James (Josh Barnett) and undefeated psychopath Caesar Braga (Nathan Jones) have all the muscle and fighting skills you could want but the acting skills of a botoxed boxer.
This is Chris Hauty’s third Never Back Down film, having also written 2008’s original high school fight flick and 2011’s MMA sequel from which this feature is a continuation.
Michael Jai White returns from the previous film in the dual role of director and star, and he’s one of the few saving graces of the franchise.
Retired champ Case Walker (White) is convinced to go to Thailand to train Brody James for his match against Caesar Braga for the unscrupulous outfit known as the Primordial Fighting Championship (PFC). The resulting tale is populated with tough guy fighters behaving like amateur high school bullies, and exasperated women who put up with their men. The final showdown, we surmise fairly quickly, will be between superstud Case and the psychotic villain.
The fight sequences are well executed and lovers of this genre will be inspired by the muscle on display. — RL
Shades of a zany
zombie rodeo
FILM: Dead 7
CAST: Nick Carter, Carrie Keagan, Jeff Timmons, Joey Fatone
DIRECTION: Danny Roew
This is a post-apocalyptic Western that follows a group of gunslingers as they look to rid a small town of a zombie plague.
Dead 7 is all about Nick Carter and his gang, as they fight back against an evil, zombie-controlling voodoo priestess known as Apocolypta (Debra Wilson). You’ve got Joey Fatone as Whiskey Joe, Carrie Keagan as Daisy Jane and Howie Dorough as The Vaquero — all guns for hire with a deadly mission. Apocolypta and her right-hand man, Johnny Vermillion (A J McLean), must be stopped at all costs, before her zombie army becomes too massive to defeat.
Director Danny Roew tries to have as much fun with this spruced-up corpse as he can, but obvious budget restraints preemptively kill take after take.
Generally speaking, actors don’t have much stunt-work, they just point-and-shoot a lot of fake guns, while unnecessary romantic arcs are tossed in for no supplemental enhancement. There’s goofy jabbering, especially when it comes to Fatone’s dusty zingers, and a lack of practical effects work that’ll leave zombie-lovers hungry for so much more. There’s nothing fun about what should have been a zany zombie rodeo, which, besides some flamboyant costuming, certainly isn’t Larger Than Life. — MD
DVDs courtesy:
Saqr Entertainment Stores, Doha
