By Judi Light Hopson, Emma H Hopson and Ted Hagen/Tribune News Service
Do you ever wonder why our society is getting more violent? We see violence frequently reported in our local news, national news and in Internet stories.
To understand why violence is escalating, it helps to know the steps that lead up to it. Knowing more can help all of us stay vigilant about what preventative things we can do.
Psychologists say that stress leads to frustration, and frustration leads to anger. When anger keeps growing, this turns into hate. Hate is an emotion that boils beneath the surface, much like a volcano simmering.
Eventually, when someone is full of hate long enough, this explodes into violence. Violence can be verbal or physical.
“As an employer, I try to build a good work environment,” says a friend of ours we’ll call Raymond. He owns a manufacturing plant in our region. “I try to prevent frustrating my employees with crazy schedules or demands. I try to help them in every way that I can.”
All of us experience stress during a typical day, but if we don’t deal with it properly, we keep getting more and more frustrated.
Pay close attention to frustration, because that’s where you have the power to make a decision. Letting that decision just slide by will leave you angrier and angrier.
For example, if your baby sitter is always late, figure out what you’re going to do about this. Staying frustrated is not the answer. The pressure cooker is building up steam.
Or if your spouse keeps running up credit cards for luxury items, speak up. Say to him or her: “We’ve got to get this under control now!”
“I had an ex-wife who was a spendaholic,” says an associate of ours we’ll refer to as Michael. “I kept gritting my teeth instead of confronting the issue. One day, I went nuts and shoved her - hard.
“She ended up filing domestic violence charges against me!” Michael told us. “Oh, God, I would give anything if I had made her confront the problem earlier in our relationship. Letting that pony run destroyed my marriage and my children’s future of having two parents in a loving relationship.”
Think of frustration as a bird circling the room. That bird is going to end up somewhere out of your control.
Another friend of ours, a high school principal we’ll call Paul, says he sees frustration acted out by teachers and students alike in sneaky, passive-aggressive ways. “One student told me his teacher is always giving him book reports to write to punish him,” says Paul. “I can see the tension building in this young man.”
Paul told us he decided this week to ask all students in the high school to contribute to a suggestion box. “I’ve asked them to give me suggestions on how our school can be improved. I told them I will share their anonymous suggestions with teachers.
“I’m thinking up ways to form small support groups in our school,” says Paul. “These will be student led and allow students to speak up about their frustrations. I’m thinking I’ll have each group supervised by one parent and one teacher, but the adults will play a low-key role, allowing students to share their feelings more openly - but not naming names - just appropriately sharing feelings.”
Schools that focus on educating students about self-help will be helping students learn self-management and leadership skills. As a society, we have to begin helping individuals to make better choices and curtail frustration, which leads to violence.
♦ Judi Light Hopson is the executive director of the stress management website USA Wellness Cafe at www.usawellnesscafe.com. Emma Hopson is an author and a nurse educator. Ted Hagen is a family psychologist.
