By Barton Goldsmith/Tribune News Service


To participate in the world and fulfil your dreams, you need to respect yourself. Without self-respect, you will always feel less than others. Self-respect is a combination of honouring yourself, not accepting negativity from other people, and knowing that you are good enough.
If you find that your self-respect is low or missing altogether, you need to do some inner healing. Once your self-respect returns, life can be wonderful again.
Not having self-respect can manifest in many ways, but decreased motivation is a sure sign. How can you ask anything of other people and the world if you don’t feel worthy of even your own respect? Without self-respect, you will always want to hide. You won’t be empowered to reach for the stars or even go for a coffee at Starbucks.
Do something nice for yourself by going somewhere you really enjoy, and tell yourself that you deserve this.
The first step toward regaining your self-respect is to ask yourself what it is about yourself that you feel bad about. What don’t you respect about yourself? It’s important to examine your internal dialogue, because your brain may be telling you things that aren’t true about yourself.
Perhaps negative thoughts about yourself got planted when you were a child. You may have lost some self-respect because of a job loss or a personal rejection. Many things can amplify this feeling once you let it in. But you have the power to turn around your life. It’s important to discover what has caused you to lose your self-respect. There is always an origin or cause. Finding out where it started is paramount to healing what’s holding you back.
Even if you have failed at one or several things, you have talents and abilities, and you need to tap into them. You can’t be inadequate at everything. You still may not have discovered what you’re best at, and you need to look for it.
A lack of self-respect also can come from living in the shadow of greatness. If your parents or your partner is famous and making great strides in the world, you may question yourself, which will only increase your self-doubt. Many of us have worked for people who have accomplished great things, but could they have done it without our help? Give yourself credit when and where it is due.
You may be gauging your internal feelings about yourself on what you’ve accomplished in your life. The truth is that you have to regain your self-respect from the inside out. One way to do this is to make a list of what is good about you, honestly looking at the person you are. Take your time, a few days at least, and you can keep adding to the list.
Look at this list every day. Doing this will reinforce positive thoughts about yourself and the emotional boost will help you rebuild your self-respect.
Once your self-respect returns, you may wonder why you ever doubted yourself. You will be able to make up for lost time. Your energy will double when you regain your self-respect.

♦ Dr Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, California, is the author of The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time. Follow his daily insights on Twitter at @BartonGoldsmith, or e-mail him at [email protected])