Improve your thoughts to improve your confidence

Have you ever stopped to reflect on your moods? It’s a fact that each of us feels emotional highs and lows based largely on what we’re thinking.Thoughts create a certain chemistry in the brain and in our bodies. Stressful thoughts can literally make us sick, while happy thoughts can put us in a party mood.For example, a friend of ours we’ll call Angie just found out she inherited a significant amount of money from an aunt.“I’ve been worrying about how I was going to send my son to college,” says Angie. “I was beating myself up for not putting money away over the years. Now, I feel a whole lot calmer. The knot is gone from my stomach over this college issue.”We all contribute to our internal weather, so to speak. Feeling good about inherited money can certainly help. But, it pays off to keep your thinking upbeat and joyful, especially when the world looks bleak and miserable.Thinking well, so to speak, rubs off on others and it gives us an internal confidence.“I can remember watching the news and feeling awful last December,” says a woman we’ll call Jane. Jane is a member of our local business group.“I lost all my confidence, and I wouldn’t look for a job,” Jane told us. “The more the newscasters told me things were terrible, the less confident I became!”Jane finally decided to turn away from her bleak mood. “I started telling myself that I would try and fail until I found a job. This past summer, I finally got a job. It’s amazing how your confidence rises when you don’t pay a bit of attention to rejection.”She continues, “I made it a game to see how many times I could get rejected in a week. Some people call it failing forward. You’re failing, but you’re not standing still!”Jane did okay for herself. She got a job as a waitress in the summer. As of two weeks ago, she became the restaurant manager.“This has been the weirdest year of my life,” laughs Jane. “I’ve learned that thinking better gives you confidence that no one can take away. I focus on what I do well. I focus on using my talents and skills. I’ve been so down emotionally, but I refuse to let anyone judge me. I’m proud of how tough I am!”Moving into this kind of self confidence requires that you trust yourself. You think about your life in ways that work for you.“I was judging myself because my cousin is rich and I’m not,” says a man we’ll call Gary. “My cousin told me in an e-mail recently that he’s envious of my lifestyle. I live near the mountains and streams, so I do a lot of hunting and fishing.”Gary’s cousin wants to build a retirement cabin near Gary. “I began to realise that I’m rich in my own way,” says Gary.To stop doubting yourself, give yourself credit. Reflect upon the challenging roads you’ve come down in life. Pat yourself on the back for not quitting.Healthy thoughts give us a platform to stand on. When you build this kind of internal dialogue, your confidence will rise to help you reach your goals.“One of my new goals,” says Gary, “is to enjoy my life right where I am. My cousin wanting to move here to retire has opened up a new perspective for me.”Healthy thoughts give us a platform to stand on*Judi Light Hopson is the executive director of the stress management website USA Wellness Cafe at www.usawellnesscafe.com. Emma Hopson is an author and a nurse educator. Ted Hagen is a family psychologist.