Give something to get co-operation from others

Do you need to change your life for the better? Are you fed up with your routine, finances or employment? To change something major, you will definitely need certain co-operation from people in your life. None of us can accomplish giant leaps all by ourselves.Before you can return to school, take a new job, sell your home or move across the country, you will need support from those in your inner circle of family or friends. It helps to figure out how to enhance their life goals as well.For example, a retired teacher we’ll call Jan, recently opened an antiques store. Jan’s biggest problem wasn’t getting her new enterprise underway. The first month, she exceeded her business expectations three times over. Her biggest problem was getting her husband’s blessing to hire some cleaning help at home. We’ll call her husband John.Jan knew everything would flow better in her life if she had just a few hours of household help each week. But, John kept lecturing Jan about why they couldn’t afford it.John is recovering from an automobile accident that occurred six months ago, so his mobility is limited in doing housework.“I explained to John that I could earn plenty of money in the antiques store, if I didn’t have to worry too much about the house. I promised him we would take a cruise every year with some of the store profits.”Jan says that money has been super-tight since she and John both retired four years ago. “We still owe five years on our mortgage, so John is right about not spending money frivolously,” says Jan.“But, when he could see the connection between hiring household help and my having more energy to earn money in the coming years, he gave his blessing to hire a cleaning lady.”Tracey, a young nurse who recently divorced, needed babysitting from her retired parents.“I have a 4-year-old with ongoing health challenges,” says Tracey. “Mom and Dad were not thrilled with the idea,” says Tracey. “My life fell apart just as my parents were financially ready for their early retirement in their mid-fifties. When they got news of my struggles, I could see their faces fall.”Tracey, however, came up with a plan that her parents like.She worked out an arrangement with her employer to work in focused time segments for the next two years.“I am working for two straight weeks at a private clinic, followed by two weeks off,” says Tracey.“I talked Mom and Dad into babysitting for me while I work, but I take care of their house and horses while they go to their cabin for two weeks in the mountains. They’ll alternate having two weeks at home with two weeks at the cabin for the next two years.”Tracey lives rent-free in her parents’ guest cottage on the back of their property, so her limited salary covers her other expenses.Her employer agreed to cover her family healthcare premiums, although she is not a full-time worker.“As jumbled up as this sounds,” Tracey emphasises, “it’s working great so far. I don’t think my parents could enjoy their cabin as much if I wasn’t looking after their home,” says Tracey.“My divorce challenge became a new game changer for all of us. But, if you look at the needs of those you desperately need help from, you can devise a plan that will please everyone involved in very unique ways.”- Judi Light Hopson is the executive director of the stress management website USA Wellness Cafe at www.usawellnesscafe.com  Emma Hopson is an author and a nurse educator. Ted Hagen is a family psychologist.