Counter negative thoughts with positive ones

By Barton Goldsmith/Tribune News ServiceIt’s a dark time in your world, and with that, dark thoughts may come as well. Maybe you aren’t dying, but you feel like you are, or want to. Maybe you’d never commit suicide, but for a few seconds here and there, you are thinking of killing yourself. Please know that there is a difference between suicidal thoughts and suicidal ideation (having the means and a plan), but either one is reason for concern, and you need to get checked out.The former is common for people who are dealing with traumatic changes, when your life may suddenly feel out of your control. Chances are this is a situational depression, and you can get medical and therapeutic help from your doctors, or tough it out, but you do need to get a check up - now.I am not a control freak and don’t need everything my way, but I hate it when things that are beyond my control go haywire, and I’m the only one picking up the broken pieces of what once was my life. Or so it seems. Most of this gets played out in our heads and hearts well ahead of it actually affecting our lives to that degree. But sometimes you can see it coming, even feel it, and that will cause you to panic and maybe think that the worst will happen.When that goes on in your head, you have to immediately counter these negative thoughts with positive ones. At first, this can seem difficult, but focusing on things going your way again will make it easier to achieve that outcome. I know it sounds a little Pollyannaish, but the real truth is that positive thinking helps to keep you in emotional balance.The technique is simple. If you think something bad is going to happen (or is happening now), imagine in your mind’s eye a positive outcome. Not an outrageous victory over your detractors, but just a calm ending of your strife. See the bad going away and things getting back to normal.If you walk around all day with negative thoughts in your head, you give them power and sometimes you give up, because you just want to stop feeling badly. You have to keep moving your life forward. It is the only way to find peace and happiness.Someone once said: “Anyone can give up. It’s the easiest thing in the world to do. But to hold it together, when everyone else would understand if you fell apart, that’s true strength.” I hold on to this thought when the world feels like it’s crashing in around me, and thus far most of the damage done to my life has been imagined in my fears and not manifested in my reality.This can happen, whether you are a highly sensitive person or you are an emotional rock that others have leaned on. Feeling overwhelmed and out of control happens to all of us. It’s how we deal with it that makes the difference in our lives and the lives of those we hope to impact.- Dr Barton Goldsmith, a psychotherapist in Westlake Village, California, is the author of The Happy Couple: How to Make Happiness a Habit One Little Loving Thing at a Time. Follow his daily insights on Twitter at @BartonGoldsmith, or e-mail him at Barton@bartongoldsmith.com