Living according to the Sunnah

Umar bin Hafs said: “Umar bin Abdul-’Aziz said to me, ‘If you hear a word from a Muslim, then do not think evil of its meaning, as long as you could find a good explanation for it.’”

Surely he who loves people to treat him kindly, should treat them the same way he wishes they would treat him. Moreover, when one thinks of others the same way he thinks of himself, he will realize his own shortcomings and faults and will be compelled to correct them.

Bakr bin Muhammad bin Abdullah said: “If you witness your brethren being generous and honoring you, then say to yourself, this is a virtue that they have earned. If you see them fall into a shortcoming, then say to yourself, this is due to an error I have committed.”

Abdullah bin Zaid Al-Jarni said: “If a shortcoming (that a brother of yours fell into) reaches you, try hard to find a good explanation for it. Otherwise, if you do not find a good explanation, say to yourself that may be, my brother has an excuse I am not aware of.”

It should be remembered that this life is full of shortcomings and that friends make mistakes sometimes, either by committing sin or by erring with their friends and brothers. When a friend of yours commits a sin and insists on it, it is incumbent on you to advise him softly so that he refrains from the sin, returns to correctness and becomes aright and pious again. Soft admonishment using kind words and reminding one of Allah are all basis of good advice.

Sufyan Ath-Thauri said: “I asked S’ad bin Kudam, ‘Do you like that someone gives you a present consisting of errors?’ He said, ‘Yes if it is coming from someone who is advising, but not from someone whose purpose is to admonish.’” When Abu Dardaa (radiallahu ‘anhu) passed by a man who was being admonished by others because he committed a sin, he asked them: “If you found this fellow in a well, would you rescue him from it?” they said, “Yes.” Abu Darda (radiallahu ‘anhu said, “then do not admonish him and praise Allah that Hee has saved you from his sin.” They asked, “Should we hate him?” He said, “No. Hate his sin and if he abandons it, he again becomes my brother.”

Moreover it was reported about two brothers from our salaf that one of them abandoned the path of righteousness and his brother was asked if he would shun him. He replied: “What he needs from me the most, now that he has fallen into sin, is that I take his hand, advise him softly and invoke Allah that he returns to the way he was before.”

To continue we mention here a good statement by Imam Abu Haatim: “The wise person is required to use good conduct with people to abandon ill manners. Verily, good mannerism dissolves errors, just as the sun dissolves ice, while ill conduct spoils the deeds, just as vinegar spoils honey. One might have many aspects of good mannerism mixed with some ill behavior, but the little ill behavior spoils his otherwise substantial good mannerism.”

Good mannerism requires forbearance and graciousness when one has to confront people or is confronted in public. Once when ‘Ali Ibn Al-Husain entered a masjid, a man cursed him, prompting the people to want to punish him. ‘Ali asked them to leave the man alone and said to him: “What Allah has covered from you of my errors is more than what has been uncovered! Is there anything I could help you with?” That man felt ashamed, and ‘Ali gave him a robe he had and a thousand dirhams. The man used to describe ‘Ali bin Al-Husain, the son of Husain (radiallahu ‘anhu) the grandson of the Prophet (sallallahu ‘alaihi wa sallam) by saying, ‘This is a descendant of the Prophets (‘alaihimus salaam)!

Habib Al-Jallab said: “I asked Ibn Al-Mubarak, ‘What is the best gift that was given to mankind?’ He said, ‘A wise mind.’ I said, ‘If one did not have that?’ He said, ‘Good conduct’. I said, ‘And if one did not have that?’ He said, ‘An advising friend whom he seeks his council.’ I asked, ‘If one did not have that?’ H said, ‘Long periods of silence.’ I asked, ‘If one did not have even that?’ He said, ‘Then a swift death!’”

Another good indication of the salaf’s mannerism is that when they wanted to advise someone, they would do it in confidence. One of our salaf one said: “When someone advises his friend in confidence, it will be an advice, but if he advises him in public, he will have exposed him.”

Furthermore, Al-Fudhail bin ‘Iyaad said, while explaining the difference between advising and publicly exposing others: “The believer advises in confidence, while the wicked exposes and shames.”

Abu Dardaa (radiallahu ‘anhu) said: “It is better to advise your friend than severing relations with him, for no one can take the place of your friend if you lose him. Be generous and lenient with your friend, and do not allow an envious person to come in between you and him, for in this case, your friend might die tomorrow and you grieve for him. However, how could you grieve for him after he dies when you have shunned him when he was still alive?”

Yahya bin Mu’adh explains the role a good friend plays in his friend’s life:

“Your brother is he who makes you aware of your errors, and your friend is he who warns you against sinning.”

Al-Khalil bin Ahmed, a scholar of the Arabic language, teaches us the types of people and the benefit we could present to them: “Men are four types. There is a man who knows, but is not aware that he knows; this type is unaware and you need to alert him. There is a man who does not know and knows that he does not know; this type is ignorant and you should teach him. There is a man who knows and knows that he knows; this type is a scholar, so learn from him. There is a man who does not know, but is unaware that he does not know; this type is wicked so beware of him.”

(From The Road To Good Friendship by Abdul-Malik al-Qasim)