Remember who you are and change the game
April 01 2021 12:58 AM
Shefa Ali
Shefa Ali

By Shefa Ali

This week I decided to ask my Instagram family if they have issues that they are struggling with that would be useful to address in this column. I received a wide range of situations and challenges that people have in their lives and will address them over the coming weeks.
One member of my Insta fam told me that she is 38 years old and struggles with a lack of self-confidence. I believe most of us struggle with confidence, or lack of it at some time in our lives or another.
I know Instagram gives the illusion that the whole world is living their best lives, they all seem so confident and sure of themselves, but the reality of it is that many of them struggle just like you do.  
Confidence is rooted in the perception we have of ourselves, regardless of any tangible external reality, so improving the external, tangible aspects of our lives won’t necessarily build confidence.
Confidence is a feeling, it’s an emotional state and a mindset. It’s the perception that you lack nothing. It’s an inner belief you are equipped, that you have everything you need right now and also for the future. 
Nothing will kill  your confidence more than comparing yourself to others. Especially  with social media, which makes you constantly judge yourself against so many others. Lack of confidence comes from a gap in where you see yourself and where you think you should be. Stop comparing yourself to others. Just stop. 
The only person you need to compare yourself to, is yourself. Measure how far you’ve come in yourself. Remind yourself of all the challenges you have faced. See how much improvement you’ve made. Acknowledge your wins and successes, sometimes that means congratulating yourself on getting through a tough day.
Developing the relationship you have with yourself is a great way to get to know who you are, identify your strengths, all the things you do well but more importantly being okay with your weaknesses and fine about what you aren’t so great at. Maybe you have a big beautiful kind heart that shares love with everyone you meet.
Ultimately, the only way to be truly confident is to simply become comfortable with what you lack.
If your self-confidence issues interfere with your work, social life, or education, maybe you can consider seeking help from a mental health professional. If you are looking to develop your confidence through coaching, don’t hesitate to get in touch with me.

* The author is a consultant and coach. Instagram handle: @miss_shefa,  Website:

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