By Judi Light Hopson, Emma H Hopson and Ted Hagen/Tribune News Service


Do you realise the role parents play in helping kids develop good mental health?
How you think, act and react will impact your offspring in a big way.
While other adults, such as teachers and neighbours, have lots of influence, it’s parents that serve as chief role models.
For example, if you teach your kids to laugh and stay upbeat, you’ll help them become more resilient.
Or, if you can demonstrate how to solve a sticky problem, your kids will likely remember the lessons learned throughout life.
“We learn our behaviours by watching others,” says a psychologist we’ll call Aaron. “I deal with divorced parents who are practically throwing hot water on each other! This will affect their kids for the next 70 years! I hate to say it, but parents today seem not to care. This has to stop if we want a mentally stable society.”
Your ability to look at options, make good choices and figure your way out of bad situations will be priceless to your kids.
These tips can help you infuse mental wellness into your offspring:
♦ Ask your kids about their feelings. Do ask, “Did you have a good day at school today?” or “Did it upset you to miss your friend’s birthday party?” Make sure your kids know your honour their feelings, whatever those feelings are.
♦ Don’t try to act “together” all the time. Kids need to see you get upset and recover. They need to know that you feel angry, sad and baffled at times. Let your kids know that negative emotions are something they can “own” without guilt. Don’t pretend life is a bed of roses.
♦ Make wise decisions and let your kids see this. For instance, let your kids hear you say, “I am not going to stay upset with Jack. He is a good person who’s having a bad day.” Or, if the family is quarreling, say, “Let’s take a couple of hours and relax at the park.”
♦ Use humour to reverse everyday pain. You might, for example, laugh at the fact your team lost a bowling tournament. Let your kids see that you can try hard, lose and still bounce back and be OK. Humour is very healing, and your kids need to see you engaging in it.
Mentally-healthy people all focus on having a good support system, too. Let your kids see you value family and friends. Spend time with people who care about you, so your kids will know how critical good relationships really are.
“The most powerful influence on our mental health is what we tell ourselves,” says a psychologist we’ll call Deanna.
“Teach your kids to watch what words they feed themselves,” she emphasises. “For example, help them avoid extreme emotions and say, ‘I’ll stay calm and try not to get too upset’. Or, tell them to feel anger at someone without letting it grow into hate.
“Show them they have control over how deeply pain sinks in. Help them build healthy internal boundaries by keeping calm. For example, tell them to stay calm at the centre of their being.”
In order for your kids to function well in life, help them build a daily routine that’s productive as well.
Kids need to learn that having a productive work schedule, a good self-care programme of proper diet and exercise, and always planning something to look forward to will support their mental well-being.

♦ Judi Light Hopson is the executive director of the stress management website USA Wellness Cafe at www.usawellnesscafe.com. Emma Hopson is an author and a nurse educator. Ted Hagen is a family psychologist.