Dear Sir,

In response to the letter “Middle way is the best way” (Gulf Times, April19), I would like to point out that adolescents generally aren’t considered as great communicators, particularly with their parents and other adults who love them.
It is good and safe when parents know where their children are at a given time and what they are doing and when children realise that their parents have this knowledge. But at the same time parents and teachers should not be seen as interfering too much in their children’s lives. They need to be inquisitive but not overprotective. They must respect the child’s privacy; this will lead to both establishing trust and closeness between them.
It’s easy to communicate with teens if there has been this trust and closeness between the two of you since childhood.  
Here are a few tips that I would suggest to improve communication between parents and children:
lLearn to listen effectively. Parents should show patience to hear the child’s point of view.  And the less you offer advice, the more your teenage son or daughter may ask you for it.
lCreate opportunities to talk. To communicate with your child you need to make yourself available. Adolescents resist “scheduled” talks; they don’t open up when you tell them to but when they want to.
lAvoid overreacting.  Responding too strongly can lead to yelling or screaming and it can shut down conversation.
*Communicate with  kindness and respect. How you say something is as important as what you say. However hard your child pushes your buttons, it’s best to respond calmly. The respect and self-control that you display in talks with your child may some day be reflected in his/her conversations with others.
lTalk about things that are important to your child. Some of the things our teens talk to us about  may not seem important to us. We need to try to understand this and must learn to put ourselves in their place and time.
lTalk over differences.  It’s often easy to limit differences when you have put in place clear expectations.

Jency George
Parent counsellor
(e-mail address supplied)

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